Friday, May 1, 2009

Bloody Bats

I love this joke too!

There are three vampire bats hiding in a cave surrounded by three castles. One night, they decided to have a blood-drinking contest.
The first bat went and came back with blood dripping from his fangs. The other two were amazed.
"Whoa!" Said a bat "How many peoples blood did you drink?"
"You see that castle over there?" The first bat pointed to one of the castles. the other two bats nodded "I drank blood from three people there."
The next night, the second bat went out and came back with his face covered in blood.
"See that castle over there?" She said to their bewildered expressions. "I drank blood from 5 people.
The next night, the last bat went out and came back, his whole body covered in blood.
"How much blood did you drink?"
"See that castle over there? Well, I didn't!"

Friday, March 20, 2009

Memory Joke

I really like this one! Tell me if you do too!
A 90-year-old couple were having problems with their memory, so they decided to go to their doctor to get checked out to make sure nothing was wrong with them. They explained to the doctor about the problems they were having with their memory. After checking the couple out, the doctor told them that they were in good health, however, the best thing to do was to start writing things down and make notes to help them to remember things.

Later that night while watching television, the man got up from his chair and his wife asked, "Where are you going?" He replied, "To the kitchen to make a sandwitch." She asked, "Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?" He replied, "Sure honey." She then asked him, "Don't you think that you should write it down on a note so you can remember it?" He said, "No, I can remember that." She then said, "Well I would also like some chocolate
syrup on top. You had better write that down because I know you'll forget that." He said, "I can remember that, you want a bowl of ice cream with chocolate syrup." She replied, "Well I also would like whipped cream on top. I know you will forget that so you better write it down." Now irritated, he said, "I don't need to write that down! I can remember that." He then goes down stairs to the kitchen. After about 20 minutes he returned from the kitchenwith his sandwitch and a tray and handed her a plate of bacon and eggs. She stared at the plate for a moment and yelled angrily: "I TOLD you to write it down! You forgot my toast!"

Thursday, March 19, 2009


Here's an old classic:

Two ropes walk in to a bar, one rope calls the bartender and says “Bartender, let me get a couple of beers.” The bartender says “I’m sorry we dont serve ropes in here.”
Frustrated the ropes walk out and, since this was the only bar in town, they thought about it a little while when finally one rope says “I’ve got an idea.” So he gets him self into a bind and cuts his ends and walks back into the bar and says “Bartender, can I get a couple of beers.”
The barkeep says “Sure, but aren’t you those same two ropes that came in here earlier?” The rope answers “Nope, I’m a frayed knot.”


Okay, Okay, this joke isn't that funny but oh well so here you go!

Old Fred had been a religious man who was in the hospital, near death. The family called their preacher to stand with them. As the preacher stood next to the bed, Old Fred's condition appeared to get worse and he motioned frantically for something to write on. The pastor lovingly handed him a pen and a piece of paper, and Old Fred used his last bit of energy to scribble a note, then he died. The preacher thought it was best not to look at the note at that time, so he placed it in his jacket pocket. At the funeral, as he was finishing the message, he realized that he was wearing the same jacket that he was wearing when Old Fred died. He said, "You know, Old Fred handed me a note just before he died. I haven't looked at it, but knowing Fred, I'm sure there's a word of inspiration there for us all." He opened the note, and read out loud, "Hey, you're standing on my oxygen tube!"

Friday, March 13, 2009

Brown Pants

I love this joke!

So, there's a ship sailing on the ocean and the first mate sees a pirate ship sailing in their direction.
"Captain! Captain! What do we do?" The first mate yells frantically
"Bring me my red shirt" The captain answers calmly
So they win.
The next day, the first mate sees two ships coming toward them.
"Captain! Captain! What do we do?" The first mate yells again
"My red shirt please" The captain answers
They win again, and that night, the first mate confronts the captain
"I gotta know" He says "Why do you always want your red shirt?"
"Oh" The wise captain says "So that if I get hurt, you won't be able to see my blood and you won't lose hope."
"Oh" The first mate says, nodding "That makes sense"
The next day, 10 pirate ships come into view. The first mate runs to the captain.
"Captain!" He cried "I'll get your red shirt!"
"No" The captain says, grabbing the first mate by the arm "Bring me my brown pants"

simple jokes

Perhaps the most simplist but still hilarious jokes ever!

What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhino?

Knock, knockWho's there?You ever hear the joke about the broken pencil?You ever hear the joke about the broken pencil who?Nevermind, it's pointless.

There are two muffins baking in an oven.
The first muffin says "Man! It's getting hot in here!"
The second says "Oh my gosh! A talking muffin!

How do you get down from a elephant?
You don't! You get down from a duck!


Hey Everyone!
I created this post because I have heard some HILARIOUS jokes over the past couple months that I really liked. I have a carpool where we share jokes all the time and I'm always looking for new ones. So please post jokes as comments and so I can add them to my site. Thanks for coming!
I'm always looking for feedback so please post a comment... This is only my second blog so please don't be so judgemental.