What did the grape say when it was stepped on?
It let out a little WINE
What did the 0 say to the 8?
Hey, nice belt!
Showing posts with label joke. Show all posts
Showing posts with label joke. Show all posts
Sunday, November 22, 2015
Tuesday, March 26, 2013
Anti-Jokes
Honestly, I've never really understood the appeal of this form of dark humor, but here are a few anti-jokes to brighten your day.
Sally
Why did Sally fall off the swings?
Because she had no arms.
Knock knock,
Who's there?
Not Sally.
Mailman
How do you make a mailman cry?
Kill his family.
Baby
What's red and flies?
A baby in a blender.
Sally
Why did Sally fall off the swings?
Because she had no arms.
Knock knock,
Who's there?
Not Sally.
Mailman
How do you make a mailman cry?
Kill his family.
Baby
What's red and flies?
A baby in a blender.
Thursday, March 19, 2009
Knot
Here's an old classic:
Two ropes walk in to a bar, one rope calls the bartender and says “Bartender, let me get a couple of beers.” The bartender says “I’m sorry we dont serve ropes in here.”
Frustrated the ropes walk out and, since this was the only bar in town, they thought about it a little while when finally one rope says “I’ve got an idea.” So he gets him self into a bind and cuts his ends and walks back into the bar and says “Bartender, can I get a couple of beers.”
The barkeep says “Sure, but aren’t you those same two ropes that came in here earlier?” The rope answers “Nope, I’m a frayed knot.”
Two ropes walk in to a bar, one rope calls the bartender and says “Bartender, let me get a couple of beers.” The bartender says “I’m sorry we dont serve ropes in here.”
Frustrated the ropes walk out and, since this was the only bar in town, they thought about it a little while when finally one rope says “I’ve got an idea.” So he gets him self into a bind and cuts his ends and walks back into the bar and says “Bartender, can I get a couple of beers.”
The barkeep says “Sure, but aren’t you those same two ropes that came in here earlier?” The rope answers “Nope, I’m a frayed knot.”
Friday, March 13, 2009
Brown Pants
I love this joke!
So, there's a ship sailing on the ocean and the first mate sees a pirate ship sailing in their direction.
"Captain! Captain! What do we do?" The first mate yells frantically
"Bring me my red shirt" The captain answers calmly
So they win.
The next day, the first mate sees two ships coming toward them.
"Captain! Captain! What do we do?" The first mate yells again
"My red shirt please" The captain answers
They win again, and that night, the first mate confronts the captain
"I gotta know" He says "Why do you always want your red shirt?"
"Oh" The wise captain says "So that if I get hurt, you won't be able to see my blood and you won't lose hope."
"Oh" The first mate says, nodding "That makes sense"
The next day, 10 pirate ships come into view. The first mate runs to the captain.
"Captain!" He cried "I'll get your red shirt!"
"No" The captain says, grabbing the first mate by the arm "Bring me my brown pants"
So, there's a ship sailing on the ocean and the first mate sees a pirate ship sailing in their direction.
"Captain! Captain! What do we do?" The first mate yells frantically
"Bring me my red shirt" The captain answers calmly
So they win.
The next day, the first mate sees two ships coming toward them.
"Captain! Captain! What do we do?" The first mate yells again
"My red shirt please" The captain answers
They win again, and that night, the first mate confronts the captain
"I gotta know" He says "Why do you always want your red shirt?"
"Oh" The wise captain says "So that if I get hurt, you won't be able to see my blood and you won't lose hope."
"Oh" The first mate says, nodding "That makes sense"
The next day, 10 pirate ships come into view. The first mate runs to the captain.
"Captain!" He cried "I'll get your red shirt!"
"No" The captain says, grabbing the first mate by the arm "Bring me my brown pants"
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